Spam

This is excellent spam. They start out with the highly credible claim that they’ve just slightly mis-spelled the e-mail address of somebody called Sherri — and why shouldn’t Sherri have an address which is only a slight typo away from [email protected]? Then they name-check Garry Lompard, whom I’ve never heard of, but I have no reason to doubt he is anything but an expert in his field, which appears to be something to do with instruments. Any inside information he’s giving out is bound to be good.

I was a bit fuzzy on the next bit, where they tell me to buy stock in a company which is going to explode, until I realised they meant “explode” in the “become extremely valuable on the public stock exchange” sense and not the “burst violently as a result of internal pressure” sense.

But then they really draw me into their web, by telling me not to tell anybody about this opportunity. Up to that point, I may have suspected that a copy of this e-mail was being sent to upwards of a million people, but now I know it’s just for this Sherri person. I feel kind of bad for her, missing out on this, but probably next time Bob sends her a stock tip he’ll get the address right, so she’ll be OK in the end.

I don’t know what “Out CRSVF on your radar’s now” means. It’s probably some sort of stock market technical jargon or something. I expect if I phoned my broker, or if I got myself a broker and then phoned him and told him to out CRSVF on my radar’s, he’d know what to do.

Sherri appears to know somebody called John who might read her e-mail, or she might pass the message on. Or maybe Sherri is John, except for weekends and special evenings, and Bob knows him/her from a particular club or something.

The precise investment advice is very nice, too. It’s probably because this is technically insider trading, so any unusual activity on the market will be noticed, and could get Bob and Garry in trouble. Maybe even me, if this e-mail could be tracked, although I could use the fact that I’m not a transvestite called John/Sherri as plausible denial.

I don’t think I will respond to Bob, though, just in case. There might not be that much stock in CRSVF to go round; I don’t want to share it with John/Sherri. He’d only spend the increasement on makeup and rubber breasts anyway.