The Greater London Authority has announced plans to add an extra word to London street names, in an attempt to cope with the ever-increasing demand for addresses.

Mayor Ken Livingstone made the announcement at a recent press conference, and said that the strategy was proof that his administration is working for London.
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An article carried in a recent issue of Untitled Document may have implied that South Bank Show presenter Melvyn Bragg carries an electric stun gun with him whilst walking in parks and other public spaces, which he uses to deliver violent and painful shocks to any dogs below two feet in height.

Mr Bragg assures us that this is not the case, and that he has nothing against man’s best friend, no matter how small.

We apologise to Mr Bragg for any distress our story may have caused him or people with dogs who have seen him in parks.

Edible animals across Britain are reeling today from the hideous and unforeseen results of their latest abattoir avoidance scam.

As hundreds of carcasses are piled into ditches and set on fire with kerosene, many are laying the blame squarely on the doorstep of heifer #904, a young Fresian based in Norfolk.
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The man who shot seventeen people in a London MacDonalds, killing three and seriously wounding fourteen others, does not spend all his spare time playing violent computer games, police have revealed.

Scotland Yard forensic psychologists have spent countless hours poring over details of the man’s life in an attempt to discover what drove him to this horrendous act of murderous carnage. And what they have discovered has left them even more baffled than they were before.
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Clothes shop manager Deidre Woolridge is seriously worried that she’s not anything-aholic, she has told friends recently.

Woolridge, 31, first voiced her worries to best friend Lorraine Hughes over Friday evening drinks in the local All Bar One. Hughes had just confessed to being something of a workaholic, having spent forty seven hours at her office that week.
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Last week, Untitled Document alleged that Craig Charles, presenter of Robot Wars and star of cult sci-fi comedy series Red Dwarf, will be appearing in panto this Christmas season in Hastings. Following urgent communications from both Mr Charles’ agent and the White Rock Theatre, Hastings, we understand that this is incorrect, and that no approach has been made by either party.

We hereby offer our apologies to Mr Charles for any distress this statement may have caused him, his agent, or the legions of fan-boys who believe that Dave Lister is a real person.

We also apologise to the people of Hastings for getting their hopes up there for a minute.

With the election looming large on the horizon, the Liberal Democrats have demanded to be lampooned by the comedy establishment in exactly the same way as the Labour and Tory parties.

Traditionally seen as a poor third in the political race, the Lib Dems believe that the failure of comedians, television and magazine to devote a proportional amount of time to ridiculing their party has contributed to poor election results in the past.
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The laws governing use of the recreational drug cannabis are unlikely to be changed unless fans get their shit together and do something about it, a new report reveals.

The report, commissioned by a Commons Select Committee formed to look into a possible reform of what many regard as the draconian extant legislation, examined the activities of pro-legalisation campaigners over the past ten years and found them to be minimal at best.
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The woman sitting in seat L2 of the local Odeon cinema on Saturday was a big help to those near her who were having difficulty following the plot, or fully appreciating the film, other patrons reported.

During the one hour forty minute film What Women Want, starring Mel Gibson as an advertising executive who gains the ability to read women’s minds, the woman gave a constant commentary on the on-screen action, and pointed out things that others may well have missed.
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Last November Untitled Document accused Christopher Timothy, star of All Creature Great And Small and recent BBC daytime series Doctors, as well as narrator of popular docusoap Vets In Practice, of heresy. We now realise that these accusations were unfounded, and would like to take this opportunity to apologise to Mr Timothy, and to assure the Catholic Church that there is no evidence whatsoever to support our claims.