All the animals in the Hundred Acre Wood have advised gloomy donkey Eeyore to “do the decent thing” and concede the election.

Since the votes were counted, the challenger’s camp have refused to accept the result, demanding that the votes of Rabbit’s friends and relations, and that of Piglet, be recounted in the name of democracy.
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The geography world has been thrown into disarray this week by the revelation that Belgium may not actually exist.

The alleged small European country, known mainly for its role in European federal politics and Jean Claude van Damme, has long been taken for granted as a real place. Yet according to Max Rayner, a professor of Geography at Aberdeen University, there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever to support it.
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Both the horses in the two-horse race to be the next President of former British colony “The United States Of America” are still banging on about votes and recounts, it was revealed today.

Al Gore, the current Vice President and candidate for the Democratic Party, and George W Bush, Governor of Texas and the Republicans’ great white hope, just will not let it drop, according to political commentators.

As the fourteenth or so recount in Florida began this morning, in accordance with the wishes of the Gore camp, Bush retaliated by declaring himself “Ruler By The Divine Choice Of God”.
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Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second issued a statement at the weekend to the effect that she would no longer be leading her soldiers into battle against the enemies of Britain, and would instead be delegating her firstborn son Charles, the Prince Of Wales, to head the bloody carnage.

The announcement puts an end to months of speculation by Royal-watchers, who have long expressed concern that, due to her advancing years, the sovereign would be able no more to don her armour, mount her steed and, with a cry of “Charge!” thunder towards the massed hordes of the French with a thousand blood-lusting knights at her back.
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The Department for Education and Employment have announced the latest in the ever-growing range of New Deal initiatives, which they say will benefit at least one of the British population, and possibly more.

The new £1.2million package will, it is hoped, get Mr Paul Fitzgerald, of 28 Nelson Crescent, Preston, Lancashire back into gainful employment within eighteen months, resulting in an increase in his self-esteem and quality of life, and saving taxpayers over £8,000 a year in benefit payments.
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The Greater London Authority has announced plans to clone Mayor Ken Livingstone in an attempt to factorially increase the amount of absolutely sod all that is getting done.

At present, Livingstone spends sixteen hours of everyday sitting around on his complacent arse doing literally nothing whatsoever to make good on his campaign promises. The remaining eight hours are spent sleeping like a baby, oblivious to the plight of the Londoners he has utterly abandoned since riding a wave of undeserved popularity to victory in the elections earlier this year.
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France was once again been brought to a standstill last week by industrial action staged by irate farmers, who have blocked access to all major cities and ports following the discovery, by Pierre Jeune, of a small, uncomfortable stone in his left wellington.

Jeune discovered the stone as he was working in one of his fields on Tuesday morning, carefully calculating the precise number of square metres that were devoid of crops in order to claim the maximum possible subsidy.
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Prime Minister Tony Blair announced a major cut in fuel revenues yesterday, which will see the price of a litre of premium unleaded fall to just 35p.

In order to maintain current levels of revenue, the dangerously drunk PM announced that everything else would be taxed instead.
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Environmental pressure group Greenpeace destroyed a rainforest last Tuesday in protest against the continued destruction of the world’s rainforests.

The forest, which was the size of 4000 football pitches according to organisers of the event, was burnt to the ground using napalm cannon, and then sprayed with Agent Orange to prevent any future regrowth.
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The Hundred-Acre Wood was rocked to its very foundations on Thursday following an announcement from Eeyore that he intends to run for President.

The sad old grey donkey called a conference at Pooh Corner to inform the Press that he will be standing against the incumbent President, Winnie The Pooh, in what will be the wooded area’s first democratic election since 1968, when Pooh declared himself “Supreme Protector Of The Realm”, effectively becoming a benevolent dictator.
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