Last Friday, Tony Blair made history by returning to Buckingham Palace for a second time to formalise the new Labour-led Parliament with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. But what exactly happens during this ceremony? Untitled Document are proud to present, for the first time ever, this detailed breakdown of the procedure:

When the Prime Minister arrives at the Palace he pulls the big rope that rings the bell. Shortly after this, a hatch opens in the front gate, and a guard asks him for the secret password. Interestingly, in 1868 Benjamin Disraeli forgot the password and had to bribe the doorman fifteen guineas to let him in.

Once inside the Palace, Mr Blair has to sit quietly in a small ante-room to think about what he’s done. When the Palace officials are satisfied that he has had enough time, he is introduced into Her Majesty’s presence, where she says:

“I hereby request that you undertake the leadership of Her Majesty’s government such that the people of Great Britain and Northern Ireland have duly elected you as their chosen representative in the finest democratic tradition. I command you to do all within your power to ensure that the interests of my subjects are served honestly and fairly in all that you do, and to uphold the best traditions of British parliamentarianism.”

To which the Mr Blair replies: “What’s the magic word?”

The Queen then apologises for her rudeness, and says Please, and Mr Blair agrees to run Parliament when he gets a spare minute.

There is then an optional part to the ceremony, where the Court Jester slaps the new Prime Minister around the face with a pig’s bladder, but this was forgone this year due to the foot and mouth crisis, and the resulting shortage of animal parts.

Matthew Parris is political commentator for The Times. His new play “The Fat Bastards” opens at The Aldwych Theatre on June the 18th.