Peter Mandelson, the former Northern Ireland Secretary who was forced to resign under a cloud last week following revelations of misconduct, has issued a public statement to the effect that he is innocent, and will find the real liar.

Mandelson was caught following a high-speed chase on the M1 involving up to fifteen Metropolitan police vehicles, including two helicopters. After crashing into the central reservation three miles south of Newport Pagnell services, the MP for Hartlepool offered Prime Minister Tony Blair his resignation, which was accepted.

But in a statement to the press over the weekend, Mandelson repeatedly declared his innocence.

‘I have done nothing wrong,’ he read from a prepared speech. ‘I make you this promise: I will not rest until I have found the real liar, and brought him or her to justice!’

Mandelson says he intends to conduct his search methodically, and will begin by asking those who worked with him at the time whether they promised to speed along a passport application for Mr Hinduja in return for a £1 million donation to the Millennium Dome project. He hopes that by fixing suspects with what he calls his ’special stare’, he can trick them into telling the truth.

Reactions to the statement have been mixed, although most former colleagues believe that the promised liar hunt is merely a smoke screen.

‘This is an obvious publicity stunt, intended to deflect the glare of the media onto others,’ said Alistair Campbell. ‘Peter simply does not have the stomach to launch a full frontline quest of this type. It’s ridiculous.’

Others are less charitable still. Chancellor Gordon Brown took time out of his pie-eating schedule (see Documents passim) to heap scorn upon Mandelson.

‘If he wants to find the real liar, he should look in the mirror,’ he quipped. ‘Everybody knows that Mandelson is a sneak and a bottom face.’

Asked for comment on the allegations of sneakiness and bottom-facedness, Mandelson retorted: ‘I am rubber, he is glue.’

This is not the first time that a disgraced politician has struck out on his own in an attempt to prove his innocence. Older readers will remember when Lord Archer, then a Conservative MP, handed in his badge and gun and wrote his own rulebook in order to catch the real giver-of-bags-of-cash-to-prostitutes. Archer was restored to government after his search revealed that the crime was actually committed by a mischievous Venusian who used alien technology to transform himself into Archer’s double.

If members of the public have any information that may help Mr Mandelson to locate the real liar, they should phone him. For security reasons, calls may be monitored and/or recorded. Transcripts will be kept on file until such time as they are needed, at which point they will have mysteriously vanished.