As Britain prepares to enter its second week of intense flood reports, sudden newsflashes and extended weather forecasts, broadcasters admit they can see no end in sight to the unfolding real-life drama.

The unprecedented level of coverage has left millions of people reeling, as they try increasingly desperate measures to stem the tide of sensational reporting and evocative images that lash at them from their televisions.

“We can’t seem to help ourselves,” sobbed Joe Halmer, a producer for news company ITN. “There’s just hours of video pouring in from all over the country of streets under water, trees blown over and storms at sea, and our reserve and self-control is buckling under the pressure.”

The same is true in newsrooms throughout the nation, as presenters lead every bulletin with the no-longer-shocking revelation that most of Yorkshire is below several feet of water.

“I’ve had enough,” said Alan Eldridge, a typical viewer from Sidcup, near London, whose family are still reeling from over 13 minutes of live footage and graphics at the start of the Channel 4 News. “It was bad enough when they were telling us that the trains were knackered, but now we have to sit through literally minutes of inane repetition regarding sandbags before we can even sit through the comparatively interesting bit about which trains have crashed and where.”

“This country’s going to hell in a handcart,” he added, before leaving for Dixons to buy an ON-Digital set-top box in an attempt to stem the flow.

According to experts, the current level of coverage devoted to the weather is entirely unprecedented, due to the combined effects of global warming and advances in television production.

“The climate of the entire planet is undergoing radical changes,” meteorologist Susan Carmichael told a press conference. “This, combined with the miniaturisation of cameras, satellite communication, and no less than three twenty-four hour news channels, has resulted in the devastation of schedules that myself and my colleagues predicted back in the early nineties.”

“Who’s laughing on the other side of their face now?” she demanded triumphantly.

Although under pressure from lobby groups around the country to mobilise troops and provide extra funding for those areas worst affected by the non-stop reports, the government has refused to intervene.

“I want never got,” Home Secretary Jack Straw told a group from Jarrow who had travelled to London on ponies to present their petition.

Video rental outlets and retailers are bringing in extra staff to help deal with the expected increased demand for tapes and DVD discs, as scared, frightened viewers turn to Hollywood blockbusters and previously unseen footage from Big Brother to stem the rising tide of news.

“We would ask the people of Britain to remain calm at this time, and limit their purchases only to films they’ve been meaning to watch for ages now,” said a spokesman for HMV. “There is no call for panic buying,” he insisted.

But as the queues grow ever longer, it seems that reserves of Disney classics may soon run out unless something is done.